~Tricky. No matter how supportive or unsupportive the household you come from is, self love can prevail and is also difficult to secure. I came from a more than obsessive maternal influence. My mom still thinks with all my imperfections, the sun shines straight out of my arse, (Thanks RoRo) and I still just attained a healthy level of self love.
It's difficult, and even more difficult to love another before loving ourselves.
The issue with an “unloving” household is obvious. It is hard to love yourself when more than likely you grew up only having your flaws pointed out. You may have even come from a very unhealthy situation where your existence was manipulated so that your guardians could boost their own self esteem in public or private, but did not balance that with building you up.
Conversely, if you had a RoRo you never had to do anything to be perfect, not that loving your child should be conditional... I'm just saying that self love kind of is.
In my experience, my self love has manifested from,
Observing My Life
Setting and Achieving Goals
First came solitude. The times I've been alone (which is a lot, I am an only child, and have never had long relationships) I've had time away from people who project their needs and wants on the world around them, just so they can be validated. I can permit myself time with others and stay alone as I please. I've always had that luxury, which is beautiful, because I've never felt compelled to stay in toxic situations just because I wanted to avoid being alone.
So in my biggest alone time, driving across the country and life in Los Angeles, (two and a half years and counting) I have found a nice balance in reaching out and being happy exploring alone.
In that time I took the time to observe my life my path, my decisions, my flaws, habits, needs, delusions, wants, dreams. As a happy, healthy Angeleno (a label I never envisioned myself having, always pictured myself a New Yorker) I realized that truly, every time I felt as though I was lost in a storm, It was only my subconscious, the multiverse, bringing me to a challenge that not only steered me on the course to my ideal life, but taught me a lesson that would be used directly. I looked back at shows I wasn't cast in. Lovers that dissolved into painful memories. Forfeitures, and fixed games... I looked at every memory that lived on in real time in my spirit and saw that every little insignificant moment got me exactly where I wanted to be, with all the tools I needed to be there. To be present. To make the most out of the opportunity.
From Solitude and Observation, I learned how to be Grateful.
From a moment in my earliest time in LA I began to set goals. I wanted to free myself from all mental hindrances created by past pains. I wanted to live completely free from the expectations of others. Free from needing anyones permission or approval, acceptance or help. So that I know that my decisions are my own, from my own spirit, and therefore could never be challenged. Finally, I decided that in my mid twenties I would not start to die slowly. I would begin cleaning, strengthening and training my body and mind. Pushing myself to achieve physical, creative and metaphysical feats.
Cleaning my mind and body from degradation.
Resetting my abilities and potential to what it was as a child.
Setting goals that continued to challenge me.
To become a renaissance woman at the dawning of the Age of Aquarius.
Here's what I've learned so far... I realized the way, the path I was eyeing was not what I wanted, and I heard RoRo telling me to be my own artist all those years ago. I realized I was ready. I realized that my amazing body was capable of doing anything I respectfully demanded of it. I realized that if I opened up to the people around me, and I loved them as fiercely as possible, rather than fear rejection, that the Multiverse would provide me with 10% awesome, beautiful souls who would love, inspire and encourage me; and 90% awesome, beautiful souls who would allow me to practice my purpose on Earth in the most loving way.
My happiness lies in making you happy, giving of myself freely because I can. Because I Am that big. Because in bringing pleasure, I am pleased. I learned that when I detach myself from the expectation of turning people into me, and wanting them to give to me as I gave to them, that I can be completely happy all the time.
I take care of myself for the world, and when the world needs, I take care of it too.
Circling back around to self love, when you love yourself as much as I love Johanna Rose Burwell, you realize that you are in charge of your own happiness. No one and no thing can provide you with what must be found within. You stop letting others ideas of your value affect you. It is their limitation, not yours as long as you have based your value on your own spirit. You expect nothing but the best from yourself and when you fall, you rise stronger because of your self love. You search for answers in honor of your God Soul, and you accept nothing but what you would give to yourself from the people in your life. You don't fault others, but you also don't let their feelings tear at you.
...and the last thing I'll say is that it is extremely difficult for you to find someone and allow them to love you, until you love yourself. As said in an earlier post, we seek out a partner that fills the holes we find in ourselves. When you love yourself, you acknowledge that these holes are not negatives, they are merely where our sand ends and our partners ocean begins. You match, appreciate and co-create with your twin flame. Until you Love yourself, you will undoubtably seek, find and damage partners who amplify you ideas of lack, instead of boost and bulid upon your strengths.
Love yourself first, and remember the African Proverb
“ When There Is No Enemy Within, The Enemy Outside Cannot Hurt You.”